How can you possibly cram so many emotions into one day?

Part I

Shock  Focused –

Today would be the first day for viewing at the Funeral Home.  A few weeks ago, actually a few days ago, I would have never made that statement with such apathy.

We wanted to set up a tribute with pictures and memories of a fulfilled life.

I went from not finding any pictures to finding them in a sequence that could only have been planned by, well, my mother. I first pulled the best, then did a second selection.  I made copies. I sorted them out by families, events, activities.  I searched for cute ones, pretty ones, serious and loving ones.

I wasn’t sure how it would all come together, but I had an idea.  I made colleges on two large presentation boards. I framed significant photos and created a friendship page.  I chose a few of favorite trinkets. Her book she was reading. She loved her books.

I suddenly knew I needed something. I wasn’t sure what it would be, but I would know it when I saw it.  I first thought a scarf, but when I opened the first cabinet – I saw it. A pink runner with lace.  It was perfect.

Part II

Determined –

My level of energy today is out the window!  I am so wound up.

I had an urge to go set up everything sooner than we planned and I am so glad I did.  It gave me a chance to spend some time with mom before everyone got there.  I want to say it gave me extra time to “figure it out”    I really didn’t need extra time.  It fell into place immediately.  I was amazed and it was beautiful.

Thinking of others –

My Niece, daughter and I made a trip to the hospital to drop off a thank you gift to the nursing staff.  A chocolate cake!   We had been so connected to them for 14 days.

The night proceeded.  Mostly family came.  Tensions were high.

Part III

Anger  Hurt  Resentment –

This day was especially hard for some. It was also my sister’s birthday.  I didn’t really think about it, although I spent many hours over the week thinking about the fact that neither my sister or brother were there.

My sister’s daughter was, though.  My niece, my mom’s granddaughter – The first granddaughter in fact.   She is our shining light in the family. This sweet girl has been through more than most people ever experience.  And here she was again having to be the strong one for others when in fact she should have had her mother there consoling her.  Momma Pat, as she knew her grandmother was more than a grandparent.  She was a mother, a friend and the most stable person she has had in her life since she was born.  This is a huge loss for her as well.  It will never be the same.

Part IV 

Concern –

A big storm blew through.  It made the early evening look like late night. Thunder, lightning and hail had us worried.   As the storm subsided, it was evident by the sun that it was still daylight outside. Everyone made their way to cars to get home safely.  Just our family, My step dad, husband, daughter, niece, her husband and daughter stayed behind.

We soon decided to leave.

Part V

Peace –

What we would see would touch our heart and comfort us.

A Rainbow framing the Funeral Home.  As we stepped outside it was a perfect picture.


It was an emotional night – because it was the first night.