Day 9 in ICU

I had to keep asking what day it was.  It is Tuesday.  My original plans to come to town was that I would come on Friday the 18th and stay through Tuesday to visit friends and family.  Instead I came on Monday the 14th and thought I would go home today, Tuesday.

After the news we received yesterday, I just could not leave.  I just cannot leave her. She is in such dire condition.  Today I really feel like she was wanting to give up, I know I would. She is being pulled in and out with the breathing machine.  It appeared that in between the controlled breathing she was struggling.  I just don’t know.

Today, she appeared to be confused when she would take a nap she would suddenly wake up and be startled that the mask was on.  The other day, she didn’t seem to mind it.  She would reach to her face to touch it but her strength was so weak, she would just drop her arm in disgust.

Early this morning she told me – “I love my husband very much”   then she said “I’m tired of this shit”  “I want to go home”

At one time, she was trying to get up.  I’m not sure if she is really aware of her actions or if it is the lack of oxygen affecting her.

The Dr told us again today that he just didn’t see how anything could change.  He feels that she has Respiratory Stress Syndrum. Which basically means that her lungs are shutting down.  He again indicated that her chance of coming off of a breathing tube, if placed, was very low if at all.

We continue to be in shock.