Wow what an emotional day. This day of celebration does not usually impact me like today is. Why? Well, for many reasons. I rarely get to spend it with my mom. I always feel guilty that my family is just doing something because they need to. It is sort of a Hallmark Holiday. That comment should actually be under my “Mind Messages” topic but that’s another entry. I have just never felt like I was one to be acknowledged, honored or recognized. (oops another mind message) You see, to me being a mother, is about doing what you were called to do. I have loved and wanted children my entire life. Unfortunately due to circumstances I was blessed with just one precious soul. I would soon learn, I didn’t need more. She is the complete package. She has been my reason (literally) for getting up each day. For moving forward and for trying to be the best I can be. When I read all of the entries about what a great role model mothers are, about how easy my mom makes it look, other comments of how children never knew what their mom was giving up or missing out on their own dreams; I feel ashamed. I have shown my struggles. I have voiced my opinion of what “I wish I had”. I don’t think I make it look easy at all. I struggle a lot with being a great parent. I do not struggle because I don’t want to be a mother. I struggle because I want to be the best mother and I know that my time is limited.
Today is bittersweet. I am emotional because my baby just turned 18 years old. She is smart, nice, compassionate, caring, a good friend, tall 🙂 and beautiful inside and out. While I know I will continue to be a mother always, I know my role is changing. I am so happy for my sweet baby girl as she enters into her own life as a young woman.
I am emotional because my own sweet mom had a hard year. Entering her 83rd year it has been a road of recovery from a broken hip, pneumonia and most significant a broken heart. I am 1 of 3 children; the youngest. My older sister and brother through their own challenges have cut ties with the family. It is hard on all of us but devastating on my mom. How could your children forget you? I know each day with my mom is precious and I never want to take it for granted.
Today I feel loved, acknowledged and I do feel like a great role model. Today I need nothing more. I am loved. I am a mother.